I'm from Nigeria and I'm here to help - A series

On occasion I get the random email scam from some overseas illiterate douche. I'm sure many of you have. This time I decided to have a little fun with the guy... just to see how far it could go. Honestly, I didn't imagine that he would fall for my sarcasm right off the bat. Maybe he hasn't and it's just wishful thinking on my part. heh

I'll continue updating as more replies come in. So here's how it all began. *sigh*

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:36:52 +0900 (JST)
From: newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp
Subject: I am honestly seeking for your assistance
To: "Crystal"

Dearest one

l know this mail will come as a surprise to you. I have a proposal
for you to this project however is not mandatory nor will I in any
manner compel you to honor against your will, Your profile pushed me
to send you this mail, I am Master Newman Roberts, I am 22 years old
and the only Son of my late parents Dr. and Mrs. Roberts Didie. My
father was a highly reputable farmer (a cocoa merchant) in cote
d' ivories during his days.

It is sad to say that he was poisoned and passed away mysteriously in
France during one of his business trips abroad on 12th. May 2007.Though
his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded
by my uncle who traveled with him at that
time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 4 years old,
and since then my father took me so special.

Before he made the trip to France that lead to my misfortune (his death)
He called me and explained to me the reason why he will make this trip
and also told me that he deposited a fund that contain US$ 12.5000000
(Thelve Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) in a Bank there in Abidjan
Ivory Coast and that this money is for an investment purpose overseas.

He gave me the certificate that he used for the deposit of the fund and
other vital documents of his asset, after his death l went to the Bank and
establish ownership of the fund. Now l need your assistance to move this
fund to your country for investment as that has been my late father's aim
before his death. Now permit me to ask these few questions: -

Can you honestly help me receive the said fund in your country ?,
What will you like to take as your commission to assist me in this project?
Please can you kindly arrange a letter of invitation to enable me migrate to
your country after this fund might have lodge into your account? . If this
proposal arouse your interest kindly contact me back with my email address immediately.
Thanks for your Understanding

Anticipat Your Cooperation.
Master Newman Roberts

With my initial reply:

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 08:31:40 -0800 (PST)
From: "Crystal"
Subject: Re: I am honestly seeking for your assistance
To: newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp


Hm, sounds interesting. I may be able to help in fact.

A letter of invitation is all I need to do?

Thanks,

crystal

Like clockwork, I got an immediate reply. Below, I have included my reply back to him.

Date: Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:55:25 -0800 (PST)
From: "Crystal"
Subject: Re: Thanks for writing me
To: newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp

--- newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp wrote:

> Dear Sir,

Actually, Crystal is a female name bestowed onto
someone of my stature in my country. Your Czaritza
will suffice. Thank you.

> Good day and how are you? I hope you are fine and
> ok?

Being someone who has many minions (including my
children) to do my bidding, how can I not be fine? lol

> I got your mail with thanks and will be happy to
> let you know somethings that you know and
> understand.
>
> I will like you to know that my father deposited
> this money in a fixed suspense bank account which my
> name was used as next of kin in the deposit. I will
> like this money to be transferred to your bank
> account in your country, immedaitely after the
> transfer of the money to your bank account, I
> will like to come over to your country where I will
> like to stay to continue my studies where I stopped
> due to my father's sudden death, while in school, I
> will like you to go on to help me invest my money in
> a very good business until I will be through with my
> school.

That truly sux about your dad. My dad was an abusive
prick who came home drunk every night and made
mayonnaise, pickle, and hot sauce sandwiches to
palliate his sour mash headache - rather than spend
time with his kids. I hated him for it. But he died of
Cirrhosis and I inherited a considerable sum of money
myself.

> Please understand that i am putting my trust on
> you, I want you to promise me that you will not
> bertay me, if you asure me this, in your next mail
> to me, I will like you to give me your telephone
> number and your photo, as soon as I get this; all
> that you requested will be given to you together
> with contact of the bank here so that you will see
> things by yourself.

Because of constant telemarketers and people trying to
get money from me, I do not have a telephone. Besides,
someone of my importance can't be bothered with
trivial matters such as an incessant telephone rings.
However, what you have presented to me is anything but
trivial. When it comes to helping out someone obtain
money, especially the amount you described, I am more
than happy to help. Soo, how much money are you
speculating I get??

By the way, I was curious as to why you have what
seems to be an English sounding name, except your
email address comes from Japan. Are you traveling or
perhaps doing some much needed studying in that
country?

I look forward to your prompt reply. And God Bless
You!

Your Czaritza,

crystal dawn

My recent glam shot pic was attached:



Seriously, I figured the mayo sandwiches and Cirrhosis would give me away but I got yet another reply:

Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 09:01:19 -0800 (PST)
From: "Crystal"
Subject: Re: Crystal, thanks so much.
To: newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp

--- newman_robertsXXX@yahoo.co.jp wrote:

> Dear Crystal,
> Good morning and how are you today.
> I am so much glad to read from you this morning
> with content well understood.
> Crystal, in the first place I am an African, from
> Abidjan in Cote D' Ivoire in West Africa.
> I speak English well.

Yes you do seem to speak English very well, however
your grammar and spelling are profoundly lacking. I
hope that you do get to continue your much needed
schooling soon.

For example:

> Sorry because I use Yahoo japan to crate my
> private.

Anyway,

> My dear, I will like you to know that I inherted
> this money from my late father as his only child.
> Like you can read froim my proposal, I am prepared
> to give you 15% of the total amount after the
> successful transfer of the money into your account
> in your country for an investment which both of us
> will handle the money as a partner in the business.

What kind of business where you thinking about?
Personally, I enjoy arts and crafts. I was thinking
about this new idea where you glue two paper plates
together, that have like beans inside so make a shaker
sound, and then put sparklies all over them so they
are shiny and fun to look at. I think it would be a
big hit for kids and what better way than to gouge
unsuspecting children.

> Like you can see yourself , I told you in my mail
> as soon as I hear from you I will furnish you with
> the contact information of the bank were my father
> deposited the money for you to contact them and
> confirm from the bank about the deposited amount in
> their custody.

Yes please do. I am anxious to commence business
relations with your dead father's bank. Once that is
completed, I will begin wiring the money into my
personal U.S. Piggy bank.

> Thanks for your picture , you are a fine woman.
> I will give you my pic in my next mail.

Yes please do send me your picture. It will be great
to see your face. I'm sure you are a fine man. I look
forward to it immensely !

And may God bless your soul 24/7.

Your Czaritza,

crystal dawn

> Waiting to hear from you soon.
> Have a nice day,
> Roberts.

We'll see how far this goes now. lol